There Is Purpose In The Valley

I am no stranger to the valleys.

I have experienced a lot of grief in my personal life, which has taught me a thing or two about how to deal. I’ve also learned that a valley has more to do with your emotional response than it does with what you are actually experiencing. 

If you choose, you may stay in a valley for weeks, months, or even years. You can allow a valley to stretch into a season of life and eventually into what defines you as a person.

Don’t worry; there is another option. You can gain control of your emotions and healthily work through the valley.

Grieving Jason

In my second year of college, life was rocking and rolling. I was working as a personal trainer, had just earned a scholarship, and was in a relationship with Harold. Everything was seemingly great, until a valley opened up in front of me.

I lost my brother Jason.

With no true understanding of how to process the emotions that came with this loss, I shut down.

It wasn’t long before I had lost my job, lost my scholarship, and was on the brink of losing Harold. I buried my grief rather than dealing with it head-on, and it ate me up from the inside out. 

I don’t know many people who wouldn’t sympathize with me at the loss of a brother. It’s understandable and expected to have an emotional response. What isn’t reasonable is letting those emotions overtake and dictate the rest of your life. There comes a point when you have to rein in and process your emotions so you can let them go.

Grieving my Mother

Years later, once Harold and I were married and we had two beautiful daughters, my mother became ill and passed away. Another valley in life opened up before me. I knew how negatively my reaction to losing Jason had been on my life, and I didn’t want to make the same mistakes. 

Don’t get me wrong. I felt the loss just as deeply as I did when Jason passed, but I didn’t allow the emotion of grief take me out of life. When sadness overcame me and I struggled to care for our daughters, I got up and did it anyway. When clients and coaches gave me an out for showing up, I was present because being with them was a highlight for me. 

Losing my mother devastated me, but it didn’t break me. 

Grieving my Sisters

Fast forward again, and I was pregnant with our son. Towards the end of my term, I lost a sister to substance abuse. Faced with the reality that my sister would never meet my son, I knew I had a choice. I could fight my natural inclination to shut down as I had when Jason passed, or I could process my grief in a healthy way like I had the passing of my mother. 

I’m so grateful for what I learned over the years. I’m thankful that when a few months later, I lost another sister, I was able to once again process in a healthy manner. I’m a better person for it. I’m a better wife, mother, sister, friend, and business owner because I learned that valleys don’t have to be forever.

I hope you are encouraged and empowered with the knowledge that you too, can walk out of your valley. You can overcome the emotional response to what life throws at you.

Remember, the time you spend in the valley determines the velocity of your success.

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